Expert Reviews of my contest entry

Here are the complete reviews posted by judges on my private account in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel contest about my book, Shadows of Damascus. I hope it gives you a better idea about the book.

ABNA Expert Reviewer

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

It didn't waste any time showing the root of Adam's struggles. The war scene was very vivid. PTSD is a very real problem and more needs to be written about it.

I also felt Adam's sense of disorientation even 5 years later when he was home.

What aspect needs the most work?

Fadi's accent seemed a little ridiculous with the b's instead of p's. I'm sure that's the way it really is but it didn't read well.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

The idea is very timely. The excerpt gave the background information quite nicely. It made me want to know more about Adam and his struggles. My curiosity was piques about Yasmeen and how she will cope.

ABNA Expert Reviewer

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

Oh my, what action and suspense in this excerpt! My eyes were transfixed in fear as I read this at a faster-than-normal pace. What better way to start off a story than with a graphic combat scene? Even the Arabic accent seems real, as Arabs can not pronounce the /p/ sound and instead use the /b/ sound. There is suspense and thrill all throughout the plot as is given here, and the pitch promises even more.

What aspect needs the most work?

Stylistical there's nothing that needs work that I can tell. I truly like this story. My question is more factual. In Chapter 2 the protagonist is back in his hometown of Platteville, Wisconsin. He had planted an orange and a lemon tree in his mother's back yard. I don't think citrus trees can even thrive in such a cold climate as that found in Wisconsin. These trees are very sensitive to frost and prolonged cold.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

Based on the pitch, the real plot hasn't started yet. All we get is the setting and some motive. There is a love story here, a theme of redemption and gratefulness, all which haven't been introduced yet. What is presented in the excerpt promises to give the story some heart-pounding thrills, based on real events that are happening in Syria right now. The author has succeeded in introducing political suspense into this story that many who have seen action in Iraq (like I have) can appreciate and relate to. This story should appeal to a wide generation of readers.